He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
