Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.

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(206): View more from Washington

Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.

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(512): View more from Texas

Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.

(1-985): View more from Louisiana

Do I have a choice?

(985): View more from Louisiana

I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.

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(716): View more from New York

I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...

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(248): View more from Michigan

Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.

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(587): View more from Alberta

He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!

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