Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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