forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
