I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
