The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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