New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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