Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it's like iHOP with fire
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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