At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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