We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
