I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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