I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
