I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
