I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
