im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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