i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
