I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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