Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
