I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
