i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
