his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize