my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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