I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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