Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
