I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
MIDGETS
????
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
