Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
