Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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