Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
