spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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