You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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