you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
