dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
