what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
