cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
