Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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