I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
