Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
