tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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