Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Success! We fucked roommates!
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