You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
