Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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