So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
