worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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