i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
