Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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