just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
