Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
