moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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