she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
