youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
